Writing this post is, to me, the equivalent of taking a broom to sweep out the cobwebs congregating in the corners of the room. I know it’s been awhile. Since mid-summer, the blog has remained dormant, with nary a new post to be seen.
Where’s the Six Pack been?
Well.. I wish I had a great reason to explain my absence. But the truth of it is really quite ordinary…
Life happened. And I was too busy maintaining it for lots of people.
We had a fairly uneventful summer. We did the ordinary things: visits to the local pool. Day trips to visit my sister and her newborn son. A visit to an amusement park. The playground. Bike riding. Etc.
I think the kids had a decent summer, which is always my priority. But for myself, it was a rough time. I think it was a combination of several factors, but for me personally, it was a:
(Nailed it. Thank you, Bananarama.)
The Captain started a new job, which involved a drastic schedule change. So, the summer consisted of myself… home alone… with the six kids… day and night. Mix in extreme budget stress, mountains of laundry/dishes, children whining and/or arguing, the typical daily household catastrophes, and tears. Lots of tears (MINE).
And as a result, my blog suffered the most. As my summer gradually slid out of control, blogging slipped further and further away. Each night, after tucking the last child into bed, I’d ponder -briefly- writing a post.
But the reality is… it’s been too.damn.HARD.
You know that the basis of my blog is what life REALLY looks like with six kids. I share the reality of raising a big family. And I typically do it with humor, because not only do I truly enjoy humor, but it’s also a great method to share genuinely stressful or difficult experiences in a way that takes the sting out of it.
But I found that when trying to write a post, I couldn’t do it. I tried. But I couldn’t do it, because I couldn’t make it funny. I couldn’t make the current reality seem amusing, or entertaining.
That’s the part I don’t show. How sometimes it can be so hard, that there’s no humor in it. At ALL.
Here’s the rub. Parents, we all know that parenting -regardless of how many kids you have- is hard. I mean, reeaalllly hard. So we bond over that. We swap war stories, commiserate, chuckle, and sometimes cry.
And I do those things, too. But having as many kids as I do, I tend to try to minimize the grittier aspects, because even though some people are a little horrified by the prospect of taking on six kids, they assume you’re a SuperMom for doing it.
But I’m not. I’m an ordinary mom* (*Disclaimer: I do think all moms are amazing, however! We rock!) And it’s harder to complain, because everyone assumes that I:
- Have more patience (I don’t. More kids, maybe. But no more patience than anyone else.)
- Have the parenting thing nailed down (I don’t. At all. I’m faking it like the rest of you.)
- Have plenty of money to afford six kids (We don’t. It’s so precariously difficult. And stressful.)
- Am always in a good mood (I’m not. LOTS of the time, in fact. Because this gig is frigging HARD.)
So I find that I typically shy away from blatant complaining, because I expect the response to be something along the lines of, “Well… you CHOSE to have tons of kids, so…”
But I do get upset sometimes. Yes, I adore my babies. I love having a big family. I think it’s made me a far better, hard-working and giving person than I ever would have been otherwise.
But lots of times, this job kicks my A$$. It’s unrelenting hard work, lots of pressure, and just plain exhausting. There are times when I feel like I’ve failed. Or when I feel like I haven’t done enough. Been enough. Planned enough.
There are days when I’m not nice. The days when I yell, because I’m overtired.
There are days when I don’t have a smile on my face. The days when someone tells me, “I don’t know how you do it.”, and I want to respond, in tears, with, “I CAN’T do it TODAY. I just can’t…”
There are the days where nothing is funny. Those are the days when everything goes wrong, there’s still too much on the “To-Do” list, and not nearly enough time to ever do it. The days where I want to curl up into a ball and sob. And once in awhile, I did/do just that.
The second half of the summer was a massive sense of feeling like my handle on my household was slipping. The ship was taking on water, so the blogging was the first thing thrown overboard.
But back to the blog…
Writing has always been a great outlet for me- both entertaining and enriching. And I’m back. I’ve missed it, I’ve been wanting to post, and here we are. FINALLY.
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