We’re a few weeks into summer now, & our backyard trampoline has been getting a lot of action. It goes without saying that if you get your kids a trampoline, you’re getting one for the entire neighborhood. Somehow your entire neighborhood ends up in it.
Now granted, trampolines carry the potential for bodily harm:
But they can have an even more serious consequence, thanks to Pinterest.
Pinterest is the reason we can’t have nice things, like self-esteem. Because just when you think you’re doing ok, along comes Pinterest to bombard you with thousands of ways that people are being far more creative & parenting far better than YOU.
So thanks, Pinterest, for starting this annoying trend: trampoline sleepovers.
It’s exactly what it sounds like- a group of friends cozying up with tons of blankets, pillows, snacks & fairy lights… on a trampoline.
I’m not sure who the first person was to think of doing this, but once it popped up on social media, every.teen.girl now suddenly needs to have a trampoline sleepover.
(Back in my day, we didn’t have trampoline sleepovers. We bunked up on someone’s basement floor, making prank calls for hours & stirring up drama until at least one girl started crying. You know, back in the good old days!)
So #2 (15y.o) asked if she could host a trampoline sleepover in our yard. It was a busy day, but I wanted to help her make it happen, so we bought all sorts of yummy goodies & got the yard cleaned up nicely.
All was well… until a few hours before said event.
The little three had swim lessons at the town pool, & I was hastily trying to get work done from my phone when THE CALL came in:
15y.o (#2): “Mom, someone sprayed graffiti on our patio & on our tree, with red spray paint!”
So.many.questions.
She then sent me some screenshots of the alleged vandalism, which were actually pretty disturbing.
EXHIBIT A: Smiley face & splotches on patio.
We have three gates into our backyard. One has been missing a lock, so maybe “someone” came through the unlocked gate, entered our garage, and painted… a smiley face on our patio? Strange, but it got stranger-
EXHIBIT B: Random markings on tree.
Granted, teens occasionally spray graffiti on local fences- it happens. But breaking into someone’s yard & spraying their patio and tree?
And for the love of God- what the HELL are these symbols??
And on the other side of our backyard, there was a sinister clue- a smeared fingerprint of red paint on the roof of our shed.
EXHIBIT C: The perp’s smeared fingerprint.
I began to feel really, really stressed. As I was on the phone trying to console #2 (15y.o) who was uncertain as to the fate of her sleepover, I’m also beginning to panic, wondering what obscure message this graffiti could hold.
- Is that a “S”? For me, Stephanie?? Is it someone who knows me??
- What is that pitchfork-looking thing? Is that a symbol of something? Is it a gang thing? Are there even gangs in my silly little town? Happy, smiley-faced gangs?
- WHO IS OUT TO GET US?????
I was sweating bullets poolside- googling gang symbols, satanic symbols, etc.
“what symbol is an upside down Y?”
“common graffiti tags”
“how to remove spray paint from trees”
“how to move & hide your family’s identity from creepy, smiley-face stalkers”
Adrenaline pumping, I shifted into gear. I sent the screenshots to The Captain, calling his phone several times- no answer. As I called, a text pops up from #2, saying that the 16y.o (#1) is now also in panic mode, and about to call the police.
*cue several desperate attempts to contact #1 on her phone, which is of course busy because she’s probably calling the police and maybe the FBI because she is “go big or go home” kind of girl.*
I called #2’s phone frantically, demanding that she put me on the phone with #1, who reluctantly assures me that she is not calling the police. (one less thing, right?)
I was feeling some serious stress as I tried to figure out the next step. Do I call the police to file a report? Who could it be? Should I cancel the sleepover?
My mom WARNED ME TO REPLACE THE MISSING LOCK BUT I DIDN’T LISTEN BUT ONCE SHE HEARS THIS STORY I HAVE A BIG, FAT “I TOLD YOU SO!’ COMING.
I first decided to rule out my own list of suspects. With six kids it was a good place to start. (Obviously not #1 and #2, who were disturbed by the incident.)
I called home once again, & spoke to the 13y.o (#3) who, as the child who had mowed the lawn that very day, likely saw the graffiti.
And he did- he reported on the phone that he had indeed seen it.
Me: ” And you didn’t SAY anything?!”
13y.o: “No… I forgot.”
(And that, my friends, tells you all you need to know about 13y.o. boys.)
That eliminated half of my child suspects. I ran to the pool’s edge & questioned the 6y.o. (#6) who, if we’re being honest here, would be THE most likely suspect since he has a well-deserved reputation for bizarre shenanigans.
But, no. He had no idea what I was talking about. Neither did the 7y.o (#5). Could the smiley face be her handiwork? She is a human smiley face, but considering her dislike of the bugs in our yard, not likely to have spent extended time out there tagging our tree.
I then silently decided that it had to be a random vandalism, because my possible suspects were eliminated.
But wait a minute– there was still.one.more.
The 10y.o dashed past me, & I asked her, never questioning her innocence. And she stated that no, it was definitely not her…
… until she did an abrupt U-turn and confessed that yes, it WAS her.
The real deal: apparently she had been looking for paint to decorate an item for Grandma’s birthday. She found the can in the garage, & assuming it was washable like chalk or watercolor paint, she tried it out.
… then drew a smiley face…
…then tried to draw a rose on the tree, since Grandma’s name is Rose:
but then gave up and threw a few random lines up there before giving up & moving on.
The weapon of choice was, after all, left in plain sight:
EXHIBIT D: The spray paint used in the desecration of our yard. This is why we can’t have nice things… like trees.
(I’m not sure what was the greater crime: her using the spray paint in the first place, or her assuming that anything sprayed on that tree resembled a rose.) #4 was extremely apologetic, & accepted her consequences without protest.
The good news: #2 still had her trampoline party, & she had tons of fun with her friends, homemade graffiti & all.
The bad news: a vandalism that had the potential to result in police intervention turned out to be an inside job by one of my own kids, which is a colorful reminder that parenthood requires you to handle some really weird situations sometimes.
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