We just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary recently, and it’s genuinely crazy to think we’ve been married that long.
I remember watching Thirtysomething* as a kid, and marveling at how long being married as long as the characters were (12 years? 15 years?). They were so… grown-up, with houses, and kids, and jobs, and MARRIAGE. Lots of marriage.
(*WHY was I watching this at age 13…?? Who needs that kind of stress & expectation while in junior high?!)
So we’re right in those ranks now, too. Married for nearly 20 years. Nearly half of my entire life has been spent with this guy.
We’ve been up, we’ve been down, we’ve been delirious with love, and we’ve simmered with resentment towards each other.
Marriage covers every possible emotion, because that’s what happens when you open your heart and your life and stitch them to another human being. It’s a glorious, messy, complicated and consuming business.
19 years of this stuff, yet I can’t believe it’s been that long.
When we first got married, grand gestures were easy. With no kids, plenty of money and plenty of free time, there were the lofty expressions of love: vacations. Gifts. Fancy dinners. Cool romantic outings.
Fast forward to six kids and one full-time income… a lot of those idyllic demonstrations of love aren’t possible anymore, constrained by budget and time (or lack of it).
But that’s ok- there’s a lot of ways to show love:
My husband brought dessert home for me from a work dinner. He hid it in a cardboard broccoli box so the kids wouldn’t steal it.
If you ever wondered if soul mates really exist, the answer is YES.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 25, 2018
He KNOWS me.
https://twitter.com/Six_Pack_Mom/status/976604266495467520
Romance can be found in all sorts of ways, people.
They say love is dead, but by buying my husband the 99 cent box of Valentine candy hearts instead of the $5 card, I can buy myself TWO tacos with the money saved.
And I LOVE tacos.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 14, 2018
It’s the thought that counts. Especially if the thought is TACOS.
But of course marriage also comes with its challenges, & we all have those moments, amirite?
I love that cute married thing we do where he uses the last of the coffee creamer & I die a little inside.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 15, 2017
Rule #1 for getting along with your wife- do NOT mess with her coffee.
I love that cute married thing we do where we decide to be fiscally responsible by reviewing our finances & end up arguing about which of us should sell a kidney.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 8, 2018
Finances can be a stressful topic. So can selling a kidney on the black market…
The best way to work out on a Sunday is by rage-vacuuming while your spouse naps, which burns way more calories than regular weekday vacuuming.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 15, 2018
My favorite kind of cardio: rage-cleaning while my husband naps.
I love that cute married thing we do where I tell the kids that dinner is ready, & my husband suddenly needs to use the bathroom for 30 min.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 28, 2017
Coincidence? I think not, guy.
In short, there’s no one else I’d rather be with on this crazy kid-train of life.
Anniversaries make you reflect on where you’ve been, & where you’re going. You try to gauge how you’re doing as a couple, and as parents. How is this whole thing working out?
So we went out to dinner that night, which rarely happens.
It had been a tough week leading up to it. Or a tough month, rather. Maybe a tough year.
When your budget is shrinking but the bills are growing right along with your kids, the stress creates lots of worry & tension.
The bottom line: “Are we doing ok? Are we doing “good enough”?
Sometimes I take this question to heart too deeply, & doubt myself and our way of life. Is what we’re building together strong enough to withstand the stress of life?
Will we have enough in common once these kids move out one day?
Will our kids look back on our marriage and our family with good memories, or will they only see the flaws?
We got home from dinner a little later than expected, but the house lights were still blazing. The little kids were supposed to be in bed, but they weren’t.
Because they’d been busy creating something special for us.
Presents, y’all. They made us presents.
“Anaverserey”. I can’t even…
It was such a sweet, loving gesture… literally. Sweet because there was CAKE.
A big ‘ole cake, and even though we were stuffed to the gills from dinner, we had some cake, because you don’t turn down your own kid’s food that’s been baked with love.
Lots of hands helped to bake this cake. Lots of unwashed, germy hands probably, but loving ones.
But what touched my heart even more was the realization that we’re doing it well.
Our kids won’t see us as perfect spouses or perfect parents, but they feel tremendously loved, & know how to show their loved ones the very same.
We’ve invested 19 years into this thing together, & despite the hard work, we’re doing it well.
And so are you. Because if you’re raising kind, considerate kids, then you’re doing it right.
We want to give our kids the very best, but sometimes one of the best things you can give them is a solid example of how to love on the people in their lives.
(And how to bake a great cake. And most important- how to wash their germy hands really well before baking those great cakes, because KIDS.)
© Copyright 2019 Six Pack Mom, All rights Reserved. Written For: Six Pack Mom