Life With Laundry…

 Dear Family,

Thanks for unanimously voting me, for the tenth consecutive year, head laundry mistress. My track record obviously speaks for itself in terms of my superior sock-matching abilities, and my attention to detail has prevented many a would-be catastrophe (minus that unfortunate blue crayon incident. Oh, and the infant diaper gel-bead crisis). My careful discernment has also reduced detergent overhead; that is, I have taken great pains to avoid re-washing clean clothing that “accidentally” was thrown back in rather than shelved.

You’re welcome.

I have clearly demonstrated my physical aptitude concerning my responsibilities: my superbly narrow forearms are well suited to the task of reversing every single inside-out item (82% of all clothing), including, but not limited to, dirty sweat socks and over-pooped toddler PJs.

I am honored that you have entrusted me with the awesome responsibility of whitening your whites. If I knew how bleach worked, that is. Which I don’t. But I firmly believe that greying socks show character.

I greatly appreciated the compensations that you have kindly offered in response to my diligence.  My humble request is that I would prefer my tips to be placed ON the washing machine rather than IN it (paper $ takes awhile to dry). I accept bills and change, but no more Play-Doh, PLEASE.

Thanks,

Management