As you probably know from prior posts, I’ve been trying to limit my iPhone usage when around my kids, a feat far easier said than done for me. But I try to keep the phone squared away in the cabinet until ideally the kids are either
a- not physically present, or
b- not in need of my attention, which
c- NEVER REALLY HAPPENS.
But in this ONE particular case, I was glad that I happened to have my phone on my person.
Recently, our youngest son outgrew his crib. I say “outgrew”, because it sounds a lot better than saying he had taken to “swinging himself up and out of the crib like a tiny jet-propulsion engine”.
We tried various methods, then opted for the game-changer:
The toddler bed.
Gone were the days of enclosure. Over were the days of plopping him into his crib and taking some time to relax (haha. Fold laundry, scrub floors, etc. You know, “relax”).
Naptime became a time of repeatedly entering the room, with stern admonishments to “stay in bed.’
“Stay in bed.”
“STAY IN BED!!!!
#6 initially took that to mean: “DESTROY every inch of your room first, including your bed, but stay on it.”
#6 would loiter around his room, and eventually end up falling fast asleep anywhere BUT in the bed. But no worries- he was at least IN his room.
Until one day….
Now granted, the door to our sons’ room is in need of repair; the hinges are cracked, which leaves the door slightly askew. After a few repeated escapes, The Captain resorted to placing one of those plastic door knob protectors on the doorknob inside his room, discouraging him from opening the door.
Which seemed great…. until he opened the door. Somehow.
Image Courtesy of www.mashable.com
…and appeared at my bedside at 2am… reeking of peanut butter and peering at me from between his gooey, peanut-coated fingers.
(Note to Self: Lock Pantry)
So we entered phase 2- total lockdown. The Captain reversed the doorknob, so that the door could be locked from the outside. No problem, right?
WRONG.
Six minutes after his last cup of water and tuck, the door creaked open, and out popped a triumphant #6, bounding proudly into the living room.
Again.
And again.
And again.
So finally, I scooped him up, and carried him into his bedroom, securing the door firmly behind us in the dark. I stroked his head, sang to him, and gingerly crept toward the door. I squeezed the plastic door knob protector quietly, and… nothing.
The knob wouldn’t turn.
Uhhhh….
It… was… locked.
Apparently, unbeknownst to me, #6 had managed to jiggle his door open without actually unlocking it. And in closing the door behind us, I’d managed to lock it.
I’m not inclined to panic. But as I sat in the dark, pondering how to get myself out, I also realized one critical factor.
I had to pee.
So what to do? Granted, my bedroom was right next door, but my pounding on the wall did nothing to awaken The Captain, who sleeps like the dead. Staying in the room all night was NOT an option, because like I said, PEE.
The room was pitch-black. The plastic doorknob cover was still on. I scrambled to pry it off, but couldn’t even see where the clips met.
Do I open the window and hop out? No WAY- if #6 caught me, he’d TOTALLY do it next time, too. It’s dark. And stuffy. This room is smaller than I thought. Yup. Still had to pee.
Image Courtesy of www.imgur.com
But then… A-HA! The magic moment…. in the form of my iPhone, which I’d stashed in my back pocket prior to hauling #6 back to his room.
I turned on the flashlight app- the bright beam immediately lit up the corner of the room, which, like wearing a miner’s helmet:
A- enabled me to finally pop the plastic doorknob cover off, and
B- caused #6 to abruptly pop his head off his pillow: “Wha? Wha Momma??”
Although I was able to finally pop the cover off, the knob was indeed still locked. But then… thanks once again to my trusty iPhone, I was able to PHONE A FRIEND…
.. by dialing my house number….
My ear cupped to the wall, I heard the ring, then another ring, then…
The Captain: “uhhh ughafhjfakf uh hulllllo?”
Me: “It’s me (like I NEEDED to clarify that??). I’m stuck in #6’s room.”
THAT’S when you know you’ve been married for a long time.
Because The Captain didn’t ask me why. Or how. Or speak at all. He merely lumbered to the door, unlocked it, turned, and limped drowsily back into bed.
Thankfully, #6 was too tired from witnessing the nocturnal shenanigans to do anything but fall fast asleep.
But the next day, during naptime, he once again emerged from his room, door STILL locked, with the plastic knob transferred from his bedroom door onto his closet door, all “by mesef!”
SHOW OFF…..
© Copyright Six Pack Mom, All rights Reserved. Written For: SPM Writes
Tony says
Enjoyed reliving this masterpiece. Missing your scopes. ????
SixPackMommy says
Thanks, Tony! I’ve been flirting with Blab lately, but Periscope is my true love. I’ll be back 😉
Ali A says
you have such an amazing ability to take a story that — let’s face it — was probably a total nightmare while happening and make it funny and entertaining. it’s my favorite quality in a writer/blogger and you got it, girrrrrl. kudos!
SixPackMommy says
Thanks, Ali! It’s cheaper than therapy. 😉
susan carroll says
AuntSue
We bought a new house with a six foot chain link fence all around except for one section at the front. Had my brother install 4 foot fence along the front to keep kids safe. As he was finishing, two year old son says, Mommy come and see. He was climbing over the 6 foot plus gate next to the garage. Ah well.
SixPackMommy says
Oh my goodness! That sounds like my little guy… not funny at ALL in terms of possible danger, but pretty damn funny. Some of them just manage to find a way! Thanks for reading, Susan!
Mary jo dapice says
My friend with only two children at the time, now 4. had me watch her first for 2 hours. He was supposed to be taking a nap. she has one of those locks on the outside which hook into and eyelet do hickey, and she had locked the door. Being the grandparently age we went to check on him a while later, when all was quiet. PANIC TIME. He was nowhere to be found. What a horrible and disconcerting feeling. did he go out the window? was he raptured and we were left behind? finally we found him in the closet with the door closed.