I know that the majority of my posts are devoted to the humorous side of portraying parental life; this isn’t one of them. I debated writing this post, because it feels unbearably heavy, and I know that for some, it’ll feel too morose. But one of the goals of writing my blog is not just to make you laugh, but to be REAL. I want to share various aspects of what it’s like -at least for me- to be a parent. And this topic is one of those excruciating realities.
I noticed that after my first daughter was born, news stories began to affect me in ways that they hadn’t before. Call it ignorant, or self-centered, or maybe oblivious? But after my daughter was born, any story involving a child or baby was suddenly heart-breaking in a way that I couldn’t have imagined. Any story of a child’s abduction, or suffering, was immediately painful to read. It had gotten to the point where I tried to avoid combing the daily news stories, because I didn’t want to dwell on things I couldn’t control. That intensity faded over time.
Cue to this week:
I caught a headline on my social media a few days ago, about a missing 2 year old. Noah Chamberlin. It’s hard to type his name. He had gone on a nature walk with his grandmother and big sister, and in a single moment, had wandered off and disappeared.
Image Courtesy of www.starpulse.com
Once I read the story, I was consumed by it. Accompanying every update or story was a picture of the beautiful little boy. He had been missing for a week yesterday, with Tennessee search crews frantically combing every area of their search grid for him.
He was finally found yesterday afternoon. He had passed away, and was found lying in a clearing just outside the search grid. No foul play; it was just a tragic accident. Even the police crew who spoke at the press conference about finding him were in tears.
Hard to read, right?
When I read the update, I didn’t just cry- I bawled. I wept. I cried harder than I have in a long time, alone in my car.
This is the part about being a parent that we don’t like to dwell on, that we try not to think about. But this is one of those stories that dug its way deep inside me. I’m writing about it to get it out, because it was one of those moments as a parent that you just feel so much.
Because you know that it’s every parent’s nightmare. Losing a child is every parent’s greatest fear. And as a mom, you hear of such a thing, and you immediately connect to it, because you know the love that you feel for your child is so strong, so possessive, that you cannot even fathom -or want to fathom- being in those shoes.
Maybe it’s because there are similarities between Noah and my own #6. Noah was described as a lively, active, runner. Lightning speed, always on the go, a joyful, speedy two year old boy- just like my own speedy, impish 2 year old.
This is the part about parenting that is the silent, messy, unspoken, part.
Of course these stories usually have that effect. You hear of them, dwell for a moment on the parents, pity them, hug your own child, and then… life goes on. For YOU. Because you can’t even imagine such a thing, and more importantly, you don’t want to.
Part of why I wanted to share this story is because it IS horrible. It’s uncomfortable to read. It’s something no wants to think about. We want to steer clear of tragedy, because the world can seem dark enough without choosing to dwell on it.
THAT’S what it’s like to love another human being so much. To be a parent truly does mean wearing your heart outside of your own body, in the form of the tiny (and eventually, not-so-tiny) person that you’ve been entrusted to care for. And sometimes, it makes you feel more than you ever expected to feel.
As a mother, my heart broke for Noah’s mother. My heart hurts for Noah’s big sister. And his Dad. And everyone who loved him. And I wanted people to stop -if you’ve been brave enough to stick with me this far- pause for a moment, and feel it, too.
Why this child? Of course, there are countless tragedies like this, or worse, that happen every day. I know this. But for some reason, this story resonated in my heart. Maybe because he was two years old. Maybe because the headline caught my eye at a vulnerable time. Maybe because I wrestled with own faith over it, in knowing that regardless of our faith, sometimes things don’t end in the happy, miraculous way we want or need them to. Tragedies like this remind us that even with faith, we can still experience loss so devastating that it takes our breath away.
Yet…
The outpouring of kind words and honest sorrow for his family from all over the country illustrates the very best parts of us as human beings. His family was so genuinely touched by the way that the search for Noah brought the community together, and how many people offered help, love and support for a child and family that they’d never even met. People have already described how they’ve seen in this tragedy their need to love more, to stop forgetting how precious life is.
I think in my humdrum, chaotic, flu-ridden last few weeks, I’ve forgotten how precious life is. So maybe that’s my intention; to pause and acknowledge a precious little boy that I’ve never met for reminding me to love my own precious boys and girls.
And for the reminder that my tired heart still cares about mothers I’ve never met who hurt in ways I hope to never experience. It reminded me to FEEL instead of going through the motions in life.
No, being appreciative of your own blessing(s) doesn’t make this tragedy any “better”. No, it doesn’t make sense, and it never will, in the here and now. But I wanted to share this to in some way honor this little boy that touched my heart to its core.
In honor of Noah Chamberlin.
Image Courtesy of www.heartlight.org
© Copyright Six Pack Mom, All rights Reserved. Written For: SPM Writes
Jenny says
This happened a few hours from where I live, and it’s just been so sad! I have a 2yr old little boy of my own and he’s been getting lot of extra snuggles from me this week.
SixPackMommy says
Same here, Jenny! I’ve been loving on my 2 year old even more!
Yanique says
This is the first time I’m hearing this story and I keep scrolling up to see his picture because I can’t believe that just like that his little life is over. Tragedies with kids have a way of geipping me too. They are painful reminders of just how fragile life is. My heart breaks for his mother and his family. I can’t even bring myself to put myself in this mother’s shoes. I’ll be praying for them.
SixPackMommy says
I know, Yanique! His picture just grabs you. It’s a horrible, tragic story, but I was still in awe at the faith of the workers who devoted everything to finding him, and how personally devoted they were to the task, far beyond their “job”. It reminded me that life is fragile, but that we’re also walking it amongst some very good people.
LydiaF says
I was unaware of this story but it just breaks my heart. Poor little guy. Poor family.
Emily says
Thank you for sharing this story. I will pray for his family that they are taking comfort in God’s promises of heaven. Tragedies like this really do cause you to reflect. As parents, they do hit especially hard when you know how deeply you love your children. It is important to feel and have empathy. Take time to draw closer to God. He will provide comfort and answers.
Emily says
Thank you for sharing this post. I will pray that his family is comforted by the knowledge of God’s promises of heaven. It is important to feel and empathize. It is so hard to hear things like this when you are a mom. Especially knowing how deeply you love your own children. May God be with them.
SixPackMommy says
Thank you, Emily!
Zografia says
It’s hard. Even when a baby cries and you can not help it, it’s so hard. Your post is beautiful. But, i believe that religion has nothing to do with feelings. Christian, muslim or anything else we are all people. Parents with children. It would be terrible to say that because someone follows another religion, he does not deserve compassion and sympathy. Refugee children dying everyday day in the Aegean and their parents deserve compassion. No one asks if their are Christian or not before taking care of them.
SixPackMommy says
Oh, you are absolutely right! I didn’t mean to imply that I thought anyone “not” Christian wasn’t worth the same compassion or love. I didn’t explain that well, but I think their Christian faith reminded me exactly of how my husband and I were when we were younger with two kids- and the memories of that made me connect even more to this particular story. But you are 100% correct in saying that every child, regardless of religion, deserves the same compassion and love- I would hate to think that my words indicated that I thought differently than that. I think I’ll modify it- thank you, Zografia!
Steve says
Steph, you never cease to amaze me with you insightful writing!! I agree with you 100% on how we change as soon as we have chikdren. When our first was born, my mind became this thinking nachine of what can I do to to prevent any type of harm or njury to my child. I was in full “Must Protect” mode and anyone who tries to hurt her will feel the wrath to which even God has never seen. It is so hard for me to hear/read stories on the news about such tragedies. I’m with ya Steph, you are not alone. Thanks for sharing this topic.
SixPackMommy says
Thanks for reading, Steve! And that’s what makes you an amazing daddy!
Kristin says
God bless you. I, too, do not know Noah, but have cried on behalf of him and his family. Your words have helped me, and while I know that is something small, it is something I greatly appreciate. They have set up a memorial fund for Noah’s memory (to fund expenses and counseling), and I wrote them three letters today–none of them I can send because of the tear stains.
We hoped together, and we grieve together. I still don’t understand why God didn’t answer our prayers. Noah is a precious boy, and we will think of him daily.
Tony says
6 –
I’ll echo the other commenters here and let you know we appreciate you sharing your thoughts and feelings, even when they aren’t on the light/humorous side.
Not to ignore the mom in you, but your sentiment is far-reaching, regardless of parenthood or religion. Tragedies and death can be so hard to reconcile in our minds. We usually struggle to explain it, or try to learn some sort of life lesson from it. Most of the time, there is only that silver lining you touched on: Time is precious – Surround yourself with good people – Let those people know how special they are to you.
Hope you’re feeling better illness-wise, and hope you’re feeling better after writing this. Thanks again for opening up and sharing.
-T