It’s All Fun & Games Until We’re All Sharing One Bathroom- Then It’s The Hunger Games

Last month, we were down to one bathroom, and it almost killed us.

It all started with the digging.

When we first moved into our house, the 2nd floor had a bathroom that hadn’t been renovated since, say, 1960. That was fine with us; we accepted it “as is” & made do. 

It was an old, crumbling bathroom, but it fulfilled the basics. And considering that it was located on Sorority Row (aka “the second floor of our house, where all the girls live”), it got LOTS of use. 

Granted, the tub leaked occasionally, and the toilet would overflow randomly. But it worked… until even the tiny floor tiles got too tired to do their job & began to crumble.

The decades-old grout was cracking.

And after moving a laundry basket, it looked like someone was digging for gold. Or freedom.

 

Moved the laundry basket in girls’ bathroom to find this. Apparently someone’s pulling an Andy Dufresne.

The only flaw? Bathroom is on the second floor… pic.twitter.com/OI5DzGcrrb

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 15, 2019

The floor was crumbling in several places. And the odd toilet overflows were an issue too, so we talked to our landlady.

She decided hell with it- LET’S RENOVATE THE WHOLE THING!!

And we were stoked. A brand-new bathroom for Sorority Row? Sign us UP!

And then the work began. And it became less “yay!” and more like a re-enactment of The Hunger Games.

Because in order to build the bathroom back up, they had to first tear it down.

All of it.

I never realized just how key our second bathroom was to the functioning of our house… until we didn’t have it.

The upstairs bathroom was shared by all four girls, and our downstairs bathroom was typically used by The Captain, myself, and the two boys.

Until there was no upstairs bathroom.

Release the hounds!

We suddenly went from having no bathroom issues to having constant bathroom battles.

Instead of going to the bathroom when you, know, have to go, you now had to plan your bathroom trips based on the unlikely chance that it wouldn’t already be occupied.

And the reality is, there was a 99% chance of someone being in there when you most needed it, because there are 8 people here.

Every single day you could expect the frantic banging on the closed bathroom door by someone with a full bladder, urging the person inside to “Hurry UP!”

And the speed of the person inside was typically based on how well he/she got along with the requester.

You don’t know power until you’re on the inside of the locked bathroom door, chilling out while someone squirms in desperation on the other side.

And desperate times called for “desperate” (disgusting) measures, apparently:

And one child -who shall remain nameless- may have admitted to finding a bowl to pee in because a fellow sister wouldn’t get out in time. The evidence was washed away, but the horrifying thought remains. Thanks, kid.

Bathrooms on school mornings were brutal, thanks to the Sorority. #3 is used to his own simply daily bathroom routine… until it was invaded by four sisters.

Girls pounding on the bathroom door, yelling,

“I need: MY MAKEUP. THE DEODORANT. MY BRUSH. TO PUT MY CONTACTS IN, & THEY’RE IN THERE.” (etc, etc.)

Or the all-encompassing:

“#3…. GET OUUUUTTTTT!”

At 13, #3 may be the “younger” brother chronologically, but he’s now taller & bigger than everyone except The Captain. So he wasn’t letting any sister bully him out of the bathroom.

So every school morning began with:

• #6 insisting he had to pee, “right nowwww!” about four times. 

 

• #1 swearing she only needed the bathroom mirror “for a sec”, but taking much longer than “a sec”. (cue #6’s next pee pit stop)

 

• #2 banging the door because #3 was “taking forever”, even though he would only be in there for 30 seconds but #2 loves to piss off #3.

 

• So #3 would stay in there longer, to piss off #2.

 

• #6 would bang the door, & since #3 also wants to piss off #6, he’d purposely delay coming out…

 

• …which would then require me to holler, “HE NEEDS TO GO!” since I do not want to scope the basement for any more urine vases.

And in the evenings? Resentment would fester if, God forbid, anyone was in the bathroom for more than minimal time.

Husband: “Why do you stay up so late?”

Me: “Why do you spend a 1/2 hr in the bathroom when it’s dinner time?”

Let’s call it a draw.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 17, 2018

At long last, our upstairs bathroom began to look more & more like an actual bathroom:

 

 And the sacrifice was worth it, because the new bathroom came out fabulous, & Sorority Row is back in it’s rightful place.

BEFORE:

 

AFTER:

While I so grateful for our wonderful new bathroom, it was definitely a disruptive process. I mean, let’s face it- other than your bathroom, what room being suddenly off-limits is as chaotic & overwhelming?

Oh, right. Your kitchen.

Because when your faulty bathroom toilet floods for no reason, that water finds a place to go… like your kitchen ceiling.

So two days after we gained back our second bathroom… I opened my front door to find my kitchen blocked off like that scene in E.T. when they quarantine the house. 

If you think my family was antsy because a toilet was off-limits, you should see what no fridge access was like. Terrifying.

But all repairs are done, & it’s business as usual around here. Two bathrooms, and hopefully no more basement pee jars- one can hope, anyway!

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