I appreciate my husband- he works hard and rocks!- but sometimes the fact that he works most nights as well as days can make home life exhausting (aka tedious, draining, etc.). Usually, I’m totally thankful to be able to be home with our kids. Yesterday, thought, was one of those days- you know the kind all too well.
I totally envied his escape into the “outside world”. Henceforth, my actual email to The Captain on Friday:
(Here’s to every parent that had a bad day!)
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Dear Husband,
I have no doubt that you are dealing with your own share of s–t at work today- in a metaphorical sense, of course- so I hope you’re hanging in there. I myself have my own share of s–t to deal with today; well, not MY own, exactly, but that of our dear #6, who felt the need to open his diaper & scatter its contents throughout his crib.
TWICE.
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So though your day is surely full of challenges, I’ve compiled a list of phrases I’ve been forced to utter today- most more than once- so that when you get home and ask me how my day was, I don’t have to make this face:
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as I attempt to explain why I’ve… got…nothing….left. See below:
– Put your clothes on.
– That’s NOT food.
– Put your clothes on.
– Did you wash your hands? Let me smell them. (pause) Wash your hands.
– No more “Butt” talk!
– The maid is on her way.. no wait. We don’t HAVE ONE. Clean it up.
– Where’s the pee?
– What is that SMELL? (upstairs; unfortunately, smell never identified)
– Get out of the ceiling! (The cat, not a kid. But still, who does that?)
– Who spilled this??
– Who DOES that?!
– I don’t want to hear the word “butt” again today. Seriously.
-This is not Burger King- you don’t get to have it your way. Eat the food.
-You can’t just get up and walk around during dinner.
-You can’t just get up and run away during dinner.
-Are you done with your dinner? (Are you done? Are you done? ARE YOU DONE?)
-What is this trail of blue footprints??
–HELLOO… what is this trail of blue footprints???!! Check the cat’s paws…
– Put your clothes on.
– You BOTH stink!
– Don’t _____; the baby is sleeping!! (Repeat ad nauseam)
– If I were the cat, I’d rather run away than eat from that bowl.
– Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell them.(pause) Brush your teeth.
– Put your clothes on. NOW.
– Get in bed, now. No, NOOWW.
So when you get home, dear Captain, and the children are fast asleep, and the house is neat and quiet, and when you sweetly kiss me and ask me how my day was…
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Love,
Wifey
Yes, yes indeed. None of the Minions are currently nudists, but Cubby has an obsession with the tub at the moment. "QUIT DANCING IN THE TUB!" is something I've said over the past few days, repeatedly. WHY the child insists on climbing into an empty tub and tap dancing is beyond me.
Hahahaha!!!!! Hilarious!!! I only have 3 ranging in ages from 4-10. Fecal finger painting is real…and gross. Love the last giph! I couldn't explain it better myself.
I am at a loss with the poop paint concept…. I thought by #6 I'd seen it all, but nope. He brought his own special game to the table. Oy vey!
I love your blog and following on bloglovin'! I found you at Creative Bloggers network. You should definitely check out my potty-training page. I have and English degree as well, but not a masters. Blogging is the first time it has been used, if that even counts! lol
Aw, thanks so much! It feels good to use my high-priced, set-aside education for SOMETHING… and there’s always something going on around here to write about. 😉
LOL, I only have 3 children but I use most of these phrases daily as well. I mean, why can’t they keep their clothes on, wash their hands for real and SIT during dinner….!?! Gotta love those little maniacs! 🙂