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Let’s Not Be Catty
November 23, 2013 Memo From Management to Fellow Management & Employees: re: Company Feline Protocol ____________________________________________________ We are writing in order to update you regarding our new policy concerning the company’s feline entity, who shall for the purpose of this memo be referred to simply as “the cat”. A formal complaint has been lodged by “the cat” against lower level employees regarding the consistent lack of maintenance and productivity on “the cat’s” behalf. In investigating these claims, management has also observed numerous infractions against company protocol. Harassment in the workplace: “The cat” has alleged that on several occasions, she was aggressively accosted by employees. She claims that she has been harassed numerous…
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Life With Laundry…
Dear Family, Thanks for unanimously voting me, for the tenth consecutive year, head laundry mistress. My track record obviously speaks for itself in terms of my superior sock-matching abilities, and my attention to detail has prevented many a would-be catastrophe (minus that unfortunate blue crayon incident. Oh, and the infant diaper gel-bead crisis). My careful discernment has also reduced detergent overhead; that is, I have taken great pains to avoid re-washing clean clothing that “accidentally” was thrown back in rather than shelved. You’re welcome. I have clearly demonstrated my physical aptitude concerning my responsibilities: my superbly narrow forearms are well suited to the task of reversing every single inside-out item…
