Lost In (Con)text

We attended a family reunion in PA this past weekend; while it was a fun time, the drive home that became the most memorable(?) part.

This story is a hilarious cautionary tale of what not to do when you think you’re harassing your niece via text. It will also be evidence of how truly odd my family & I really are, because without us being so, there’d be no creepy screenshots.

We spent the day with my mom’s side of the family at her aunt’s house, an annual occasion. My sister (she who shall be called Seester) and I were leaving at the same time.

(That part will be key.)

 I was driving our car, and my sister’s husband was driving their car. That left my sister time to text.

(…which again, will be key to the story.)

I’ve mentioned before that my family has a rather  prankish sense of humor. Our way of showing love is to tease one another, often relentlessly.

And my kids have inherited this… “gift”, too. We’re all weird.

We were driving on the New Jersey Turnpike, which has several rest stops along the way named for memorable people. One of them is Woodrow Wilson.

(Yep, that too will become key.)

I should also mention that recently #2’s cell phone number changed. Someone else has her old number, a fact that I was reminded of when I accidentally texted it recently.

My sister didn’t realize that #2’s number changed either, and as I drove along the turnpike, she called me to ask where I was. My response: just passing the Woodrow Wilson rest stop.

Then shortly after, another call.

Seester: “Why isn’t #2 texting me back???”

Me: “She’s asleep, and- oh! Her number changed. Someone else has it.”

S:  *pause* “Are you lying?”

Me (indignant): “Why would I LIE about that?!”

Why would I? I wasn’t, but with my family, you never know when a prank is coming down the pike- in this case, the NJ Turnpike.

So here….we… GOOOOO!

Seester decided to bug #2 via text, since #2 has the same warped sense of humor.  Seeing our car on the highway near her, my sister sent this text to #2 (Seester’s in blue):

BUT… she was NOT texting with #2, who was asleep in the backseat. She was texting with a total stranger, & urging them to look out the window. You know, the way some horror movies begin. Cool.

A teenager. My sister is texting with a TEEN, who is not my teen that she assumes she’s harassing. Seester is now unknowingly creeping on some poor innocent stranger. And how about that “pretty dark out. No?” WAY more creepier in this new context, right?!

This was when Seester had called me to ask why #2 is ignoring her. And here’s where our freaky family humor get us in deeper, because not only is she convinced that #2 is faking that it’s not her,

she’s convinced that I’m in on it, too.

So,

Seester.Keeps.Texting.

Whoo boy. Now we’ve gotten into some lack-of-education insults, a refusal to stop texting (despite being asked nicely, so props to our poor wrong number victim), and then…

“I SEE YOU.”

Image Courtesy of www.giphy.com

Yup. Seester has now instructed the unknown teen to look out the window into the dark, because she can SEE him or her.

(And yes, she’s still convinced at this point that she’s talking to #2, because this is how we torture the ones we love. And apparently those we don’t, too.)

And here it is- the finale:

Now Seester meant, “Woodrow Wilson’s in ‘da HOUUUUSEE!”, sort of like, “Yo, who’s in ‘da house??”

But in text, to a stranger that’s not her niece, it reads more like:

“Remember when I asked you to look outside into the dark? And how you didn’t know who Woodrow Wilson is? Well, it doesn’t matter, because whoever he is, he’s IN YOUR HOUSE.”

(And how about those googly eyes, in case the “I am watching you” implication just wasn’t creepy enough??)

In case your concern for our wrong number victim has reached a fever pitch, have no fear. After I nearly drove off the highway while hearing this, our victim was contacted with an explanation & took it in stride. All is well… even though I think a little part of Seester still thinks it was us pranking her (which would have been epic!).

So the lessons learned:

• Do not prank kids over text. Unless they’re your own. Then, have at it!
• Learn your Presidents. And your Jersey Turnpike rest stops.
• Screenshots are a great way to memorialize your family’s weird sense of humor.