The Writing on the Wall

I may joke about having a messy house, but in reality, I’m sort of anal about trying to keep it clean. I remember waaay back when I watched an episode of Jon & Kate + 8 and she was obsessing endlessly about her kitchen floor. I remember thinking, “what’s UP with this cah-razy lady?”

Now I get it.

It’s not so much about things being sanitary, even though it’s important. But it’s also about control. Maybe Kate (read: ME), couldn’t control the screaming vortex of insanity that life with her toddlers generated, so she scrubbed her floor like nine times a day to get through. I sympathize. And I also don’t, because now she’s got a big ole’ house and platinum extensions and she got to dance (very awkwardly) on national TV, just for sharing her stressy, floor-scrubbing ways with America.  But I digress…

So, cleanliness. I try. I might not be able to stop the toddler(s) from dousing themselves- or their baby brother, because YES, that just happened TODAY-  with water from the cat’s bowl when I’m in the bathroom. But dammit, my bathroom’s moldings are going to be dusted with a Q-tip on occasion while I’m in there, because it gives me a sense of control over some tiny slice of life, sometimes.

(Note: Should you know me well enough to come over this week, DON’T look at my bathroom moldings. Because I haven’t done them recently. And I’ll feel like a liar.)

(And if you know me, you know I’ll now have to do them the minute I’m done here.)

Anyway, so that brings me to pens. Or writing implements in general. As a former English teacher, I frigging loooove pens. All kinds of pens. And keep, or KEPT all kinds of pens and markers in my house, even with small children.

My kids were instructed from early on not to use them inappropriately.

Riiiight. I was totally clueless that pens and markers could be problematic. Until a few years ago, when this happened:

That was fun.

So fast forward a few years, many boxes of Magic Erasers, and about two gallons of paint where the “magic” failed; pens and markers are kept in nice high places, and the kids were given stern instructions not to draw on the walls.

Which worked. Sort of. Until this:

Clearly, my mistake. I should have included “yourself” with “walls” as far as the “no drawing on” policy applied. And “other people’s faces”  as well. (no picture, but true).

And no, Magic Erasers do NOT work on faces. (Don’t judge me.)

So fast forward a few more years and a few more kids, and I still strive to maintain control over the writing utensil dilemma. But it appears that our younger kids have been genetically engineered to defy the “no drawing with pens or markers on the walls” decree- as evidenced by #4’s graffiti below:

Why is this noteworthy? Because #4 was quick to point out that her art was composed in PENCIL, therefore the rule need not apply. And she was so enthusiastic about her new medium that there were six more “designs” found throughout the house, including, but not limited to, the damn BATHROOM MOLDING.

So my molding-cleaning will involve both a Q-tip and an eraser. That’s not magic.

Don’t even get me started on scissors…

 

 

 

 

 

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